My breastfeeding journey

A reader of this blog asked me to share my own breastfeeding story - I am pleased to do so, because I had a somewhat difficult time, and I think it's useful to share this sort of story, in the hope that other women who are struggling can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warning - this is loooooong!

I felt very well prepared for breastfeeding.  The preparation I had included:

• I had read a couple of books specifically on breastfeeding - I consider the best ones to be Breastfeeding... Naturally (which is so comprehensive, and you actually get a free copy if you subscribe to the Australian Breastfeeding Association), and Breastfeeding Your Baby, plus you can find some other excellent ones HERE;

• I had watched YouTube clips on attachment, latch and breastfeeding positions - there are some AWESOME clips here http://www.drjacknewman.com/video-clips.asp ;

• I had spent extensive time on online forums and blogs, reading the stories and advice from other mothers;

• I had extensively researched the benefits of a baby having milk from its own species, and the problems associated with artificial feeding;

• I had chatted at great length with my own private midwife, herself an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant), about possible problems with breastfeeding, and felt confident of receiving excellent support from her if I needed it;

• I was familiar with the international Baby Friendly Health Initiative, outlining the ten steps most important in the early days (in hospitals, primarily) for breastfeeding;

• Importantly, I had actually observed a lot of breastfeeding - I lived at home while my mother breastfed my younger sister (I was 17 when she was born), and she breastfed for over 18 months.  Breastfeeding for me, growing up, amongst my friends and family, was completely normal.  I have watched my aunts breastfeed many children, and some of my earliest memories are of my friend's mother breastfeeding her younger two siblings.  I remember the cabbage leaves, and how nice and cosy they looked, curled up with their mother;

• Importantly - I had no experience, really, with artificial feeding.  I don't know anyone who simply did not breastfeed at all, and every close family member and family friend has breastfed their children - including twins and even triplets.  The idea of 'formula' was very foreign to me, and didn't register with me as an option.  I considered - and still consider - artificial milk to be an absolute last resort.  I do not judge women who use artificial milks, however I am saddened that they are normalised in our society, and that women who want to breastfeed (nearly every woman, it seems) are not given better support and information.  When I was younger, I observed my aunt donating her excess breastmilk to other mothers in her area, and remember thinking to myself "well, that seems sensible, I'm glad those other babies can get milk".  I learnt recently that breastfeeding initiation rates are lowest amongst women who plan to return to paid work the earliest - so it seems that paid maternity leave, better support for expressing women, and good facilities with paid lactation breaks at work are all really crucial in increasing breastfeeding rates (these are all part of international codes which Australia does not adhere to).

So, you can see, I thought I was pretty prepped for breastfeeding.  And truly, I suppose that I was - there is nothing else, really, that I could have done.  Which really underscores just how vital support is in the early weeks and months of breastfeeding - no matter how much preparation a woman does, breastfeeding DOES often require support.

Many women think, quite logically, that because breastfeeding is natural, it will come naturally.  However, I believe breastfeeding is more akin to dancing, singing, speaking - things that are natural, yet us humans learn and improve at by watching, observing, copying, and receiving instruction.  Many women have never observed breastfeeding 'close up' - that is, the actual latch between mouth and breast, the positioning of the head etc.  Other mammals are fascinated to watch their kin breastfeed - in fact, I recently watched a television show about a zoo, where an orang utan was pregnant, and the keepers were concerned about her raising a baby, since she had not been exposed to other orang utans.  What did they do?  They brought in a breastfeeding woman!  The orang utan sat and watched, closely and with fascination, checking out the breastfeeding from every angle.  So it seems that it is natural for mammals to learn about breastfeeding through observation.  It is also known that primates in the wild will assist each other with breastfeeding - repositioning an infant, and sharing breastfeeding duties if a mother's milk supply is low.

MY STORY

So, what happened when Tabitha was born?  After nearly 45 hours of labour, out came this active, wriggly baby, who promptly latched on (by herself, as I had asked for in my birth plan), and fed voraciously for over two hours!!!  That's right!  She latched on one side, and after about half an hour, she pulled off and rooted around for the other breast.  Because I was exhausted, the midwife showed me how to feed her lying down on my side.  She fed on the other side for half an hour, the switched BACK to the first breast, and thirty minutes later, back to the second breast!  She seemed happy, relaxed, and very focused on her task.  At the end of this marathon 2-hour feeding, both of my nipples already had a small blood-blister.  I must say, from the moment she latched on, I was absolutely shocked at the strength and force of the sucking of this little, seemingly helpless, creature.  She sucked much more forcefully that first day than she ever has since, and fed for longer.  It is clear to me that this initial feed was important for her to connect to me.  It is a powerful memory for me.

I had a fair amount of colostrum (the first, thick and rich milk which the breasts produce in the initial few days), and Tabitha didn't actually loose any weight at all (most babies loose some weight in the early days, which they then re-gain).  For the first few days, while the feeding did hurt a little, I was quietly confident about breastfeeding.  I am thankful that we didn't have any extra initial complications, such as cleft pallet or tongue tie, to deal with.

Our problems really began on day two.  Two days after Tabitha was born, it was my birthday, and I woke up 'with new breasts for my birthday' - I had gone from a B cup, to a D cup during pregnancy, to an absolutely bursting, painful, shiny-stretched-skin F cup.  My breasts were burning hot, painful to the touch, and leaked milk constantly.  I suffered from a fairly dramatic 'Oversupply'.

For many women, under-supply is a problem - they don't seem to produce enough milk.  This is very common, and often symptomatic of poor hospital practices such as timed feeds, scheduled feeding, poor latch instruction, induced and augmented labours, and drugs during labour which can affect a newborn's feeding for hours or even days, as well as a woman's own production of milk.  All of these things, however, can be rectified with the appropriate information, support and instruction (feeding more regularly, for longer, improving latch, increasing fluids and food, sometimes taking prescription medications, plenty of skin-on-skin time to increase hormones which may have been interrupted during augmented labours, etc).  Under-supply is a common reason given by women who felt they could not breastfeed their babies.  It is really sad, because almost all of these women can breastfeed with the correct support - it is absolutely not the fault of the women, and none of them should ever feel guilty for doing the best that they could.  Over 95 per cent of women can physiologically breastfeed (according to the World Health Organisation and all other reputable medical organizations, including our own government).  Of those women, most do want to breastfeed - so it is always my hope that they can receive the support they need to do so.

I had the opposite problem - I had a massive OVERsupply of milk.  This comes with its own real problems.  The problems that I had with breastfeeding, over the first six weeks, were:

• The engorgement I suffered was particularly painful - the skin was stretched so tightly that it felt like a bad sunburn, and the entire breast area was burning hot (to feel, and to the touch);

• Because the breasts were so engorged, Tabitha couldn't latch on properly, as there was no 'give' in the skin for her to grip her mouth onto.  This was combined with the fact that there was SO much milk, everything was all slippery.  So basically, for the initial month or two, the latch was dreadful, with poor Tabitha trying to suck hard on the nipple, instead of getting a good mouthful of areola and breast.  This caused MAJOR nipple damage;

• When breastfeeding, the nipple should be right down the back of the mouth, against the soft palate.  Instead, because she couldn't take it in properly, the tip of the nipple was constantly mashed between her bony gums and the hard palate.  My nipples were so, so damaged - they started to take on the shape of triangles (the ends being so mashed and flattened), and I developed deep, deep cracks and fissures;

• The cracks and fissures were, at worst, a couple of mm across, with whole chunks of skin sometimes being sucked from the nipples.  Because the baby feeds ALL the time, the nipples never have more than a couple of hours' break, so the damaged and wounded, broken skin can never heal.  The open wounds were just constantly being re-mashed!  There was a lot of blood - in fact, at one point, I was expressing only from one side (the damage got too bad) and the milk was all tinged pink, because of the blood!

• It was somewhat inevitable, with my oversupply, that I ended up with mastitis.  My amazing midwives were over at our house every day (sometimes twice) right from day one, and every time they would carefully check my breasts for lumps, which would be heated with a hot compress and massaged out (OUCH!!!!!!).  I used hot compresses before every feed, and cold compresses (and cabbage leaves, and frozen cloths) after each feed - yes, for weeks!  A couple of times, my midwife hand-expressed a breast, to empty it completely (this is more effective for getting lumps out than a pump, but is more painful I think!).  Sadly, despite all of this, one morning I woke up with the awful flu-like symptoms of mastits, feeling like I'd been hit by a bus, not able to get out of bed (can you believe a visitor, who came to see the baby, had the audacity to complain that I didn't get out of bed for the visit?!).  I spent the next few days at a physiotherapist, getting ultrasound treatment - this is incredibly effective at getting rid of stubborn blockages.  It is also very expensive;

• My midwife came to visit first thing one morning, then had to go to a conference for the day.  She rushed over straight afterward, bursting into the bedroom, stating, "oh goodness, I haven't been able to concentrate at the conference all day, I couldn't stop worrying about your breasts!" which I found quite amusing;

• Another problem I experienced was associated with the oversupply, though can also be a separate issue - I had a very forceful letdown (I still do).  The letdown is a reflex, triggered by the sucking, where the muscles suddenly contract in the breast, making the milk come out - only in my case, the milk SPRAYS like a hose.  Still now, if Tabitha pulls off while feeding, I have been known to accidentally spray someone in the face!  This meant that poor Tabitha would gag, choke and sometimes vomit during the feeds in the early weeks, because there was too much milk, too fast.  Thankfully it's not so bad now!  Also - the vomiting never seemed to bother her - she would vomit, then just go back to her milk;

• It might seem trivial, but one of the most demoralising parts of my early breastfeeding experience was just being constantly soaked in milk.  I was producing literally litres a day, and much of it ended up in my hair, my clothing, drenching my sheets.  I would easily soak through 5 or 6 breastpads during a feed, so instead I had to use a whole bunched up towel for every feed.  I got really down, emotionally, and stopped wanting visitors, and didn't want to leave the house.  Everything smelt like milk, I was incredibly sore, and just felt miserable.

So, in short, the first 6 weeks were utter hell. I was often in tears - when Tabitha stirred, or looked hungry, I would often burst into frightened tears, I was so scared of feeding her because the pain was unbearable.  We had to take it 'one feed at a time' with The Daddy holding my hand while I squeezed it, and cried, every time I fed her.  I am SO HAPPY that not once did he suggest to me that we try a bottle of artificial milk - he knew how important breastfeeding was, and it would have really tipped me over the edge, emotionally, if anyone implied that I should give up.  No one did, not one person - my parents, husband, midwives, friends and family were all incredibly supportive, and I am so thankful.

For nearly a week (around week 3) we expressed and bottle fed (the expressed milk), to give my nipple damage a chance to heal (we hired an excellent Madela Symphony Double Pump from the ABA).  I was really upset about this (I found it upsetting to watch Tabitha drinking from a bottle), and it was hard (with sterilising the bottles and equipment, sitting up to pump during the night while The Daddy bottle fed etc), but it did help the healing process.  I made several midnight calls to the ABA, which helped (both with practical advice and lifting my spirits - the women on the phones are all just lovely).

I'm no martyr.  Many women go through the same things as I did, and worse - it is surprisingly common to have real trouble!!  It does frustrate me when I hear women say they couldn't breastfeed, when what they really mean is 'it became too hard'.  I do not judge these women at all - it truly IS bloody hard.  What frustrates me is knowing that, with better support, most women could get through those initial hard times, and go on to an enjoyable, easy and fun breastfeeding journey.  There is nothing special about me - I went through absolute hell, sobbed and sobbed, complained bitterly, however I had such excellent support that I kept on, and was able to get through.  A lot of women I have spoken to, who stopped breastfeeding, didn't call the ABA or seek any support beyond their GP (who, in many cases, recommends artificial milk, as most GPs are not trained in breastfeeding).  I urge you - if you know anyone who is struggling with breastfeeding, suggest that they call the ABA's free helpline 1800 MUM 2 MUM.  Also - give them a hug, a cup of tea, and mind the baby for them while they take a warm bath!

Being able to donate my excess milk to other mothers who were building up their low supply helped, by keeping my spirits up, and seeing some 'positive' out of a pretty crappy situation.  Another thing which really helped was going along to the ABA meetings, where there were lots of mums with older babies - many of them had been through similar problems, and reassured me that it DOES get easier, and that those early troubles soon fade from memory.

This is important:  It DOES get easier.  For the majority of women, the first 6 weeks or so are the worst.  As the baby gets bigger and stronger, the latch often naturally improves.  If you get support (phone, face-to-face with a lactation consultant or ABA counselor, full support at home etc), there is every chance you can breastfeed (over 95 per cent of women can).  Once you pass the initial hurdles, it is the most wonderful, rewarding experience - to just scoop up your baby anywhere, any time, and put them to the breast to feed.  Instant comfort - a bumped head?  No worries, straight on the breast and the crying stops instantly.  Breastfeeding used to be so painful, and is now one of my favourite parts of parenting.

BODY CHANGES

Someone also asked me about breastfeeding and its effect on my weight, and hunger.  To start with, I found that the pregnancy weight fell off - for the first few weeks and months, every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like I was smaller, just melting away.  In a good way!  I wasn't actually too much hungrier than usual - I spent a lot of time, in the early months, at home and in bed with the baby.  I made sure I ate nourishing foods (lots of protein, particularly), and didn't notice any real change in my appetite.  

After around 4 or 5 months, however, I realised I had actually started to put ON weight - just a couple of kilograms.  I thought about my diet, and realised I had been eating a lot more cake and sweets than I needed to.  Partly, would you believe because of all the Mothers' Groups and ABA meetings etc., where there was always an endless supply of cakes, biscuits and muffins!  So I made an effort to avoid all these empty calorie 'extras', and found this was enough to keep the weight loss back on track.  

After around 8.5 months, I am now back to the pre-pregnancy weight - however, my shape has certainly changed!  My waistline is a few centimeters bigger, which I noticed when I tried on some old dresses and skirts, and I'm not sure if it will ever go back.  I suspect it's a result of the changes to the body from inside (moving of ribs, internal organs etc.) during pregnancy, rather than due to weight changes.

Now, I find that I am always thirsty (I drink 3 - 4 litres of water a day, and have since the birth), and while I am not particularly hungry (no more than pre-baby), I do notice that I can't go too long without eating - more than a few hours, and I become dizzy and faint.  I suppose this is because the body is constantly working to produce milk.

So.  That is my story (believe it or not, there is looooads more!).  I guess the main reason I am training as a breastfeeding counselor is that it makes me really sad when women who want to breastfeed, really want to, end up not being able to - it is so rarely the mother's 'fault'.  But when we know that over 95 per cent of women CAN breastfeed, it is clear that more support and education is needed - so that  all these women who want to breastfeed, are able to.

This is a really excellent article articulating the Australian Breastfeeding Association's views on artificial milk and low breastfeeding rates.  I think it's kind and supportive to all women.

Here is a photo of me feeding Tabitha.  She is about 2 weeks old, and it is the first time I fed her out in public, I think.  I was grimacing through the pain, with the nipple damage, but I remember feeling really proud to be able to sit and feed her in a restaurant.

Afghans and Honey

Today was a day of good food!  This morning, I made some Afghan biscuits (my favourite biscuit to make at a minute's notice, since all the ingredients are normally in the cupboard, and they store really well).

The recipe I use is from the brilliant New Zealand cookery book, Ladies, A Plate, which I have mentioned here before - it is a compilation of dozens of classic recipes from women around New Zealand.

Here is how you make them - I seriously suggest you try baking a batch, they really are ridiculously good, and dead easy to make:

AFGHANS

Cream 170g butter with 100g brown sugar.  Add (sifted together) 180g plain flour, 3 tablespoons cocoa and 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder.  Mix, then knead in (with your hands) 2 cups of cornflakes (crush them first).

Roll teaspoonsful of the dough into balls (about the size of a large cherry), then flatten each ball slightly with a fork.  Allow about 2cm in between the balls, for a little spreading.

Bake at 180 degrees for 12 - 14 minutes.  Cool on a rack.

To make the rich, fudge-like frosting, gently heat together in a small saucepan 3 tablespoons of water, 45g caster sugar and 45g butter.  Once melted, bring to a rapid simmer for one minute (do not stir), to form a light syrup.

Pour about 3/4 of the syrup into a bowl containing 190g pure icing sugar sifted together with 3 tablespoons of cocoa, and beat well as you're pouring.  Add a little more syrup only if needed - you want a thick, smooth, fudgy icing.  As you use the icing, you can add a little more syrup or plain hot water if it starts to thicken and cool.

Spread a good, thick layer of icing onto each biscuit (about a teaspoon per biscuit), then place a walnut half onto each one as you go.

Leave them to set - they will keep well in a tin for a few days.

At dinnertime, Tabitha tried an Afghan.  She liked it, but after eating about a third of a biscuit, she dropped it and went back to her chicken and vegetable pot pie!  I don't really have a big sweet tooth, perhaps she is taking after me.

This evening, The Daddy brought home a jar of honey he was given at work - from an apiarist in Blackburn!  A man has a little colony of bees in the middle of the nice bushland area of Blackburn, and produces his own honey.  We have a great big jar of it - and it is excellent.  Tabitha can't try the honey, as honey should never be given to babies under the age of one, as there is a small but serious risk of deadly botulism poisoning.

Apparently, keeping bees in your backyard (urban apiary) is the latest trend - keeping chickens is so last decade!  This is an interesting article about all the beehives in Paris.

Yum yum!

For some reason, Tabitha loves to nibble and gnaw on a lime, as if it were an apple.  She must like the subtle lime zest flavour - she is quite zealous about it, and will hurriedly crawl over to it if it rolls away.

Can you see Tabitha's sneaky friend (partner in crime) in the background?  They are a funny little pair, peas in a pod - they seem to do things together, sitting and playing together, cuddling together (even when poor Possum is getting mauled, he seems to handle it with good grace).  Possum even brings her toy mice, dropping them in her lap, for her to chew on (eeeeewwwwwww!!!).  I spend my day trying to stop that.

Tabitha has been pulling herself up and standing up for well over a month now, but she has suddenly become obsessed with getting up and down - she will pull herself up, then carefully squat down.  Repeat x 100!  She must be developing killer leg muscles.

We made date scones and took them to visit our friends Marilyn and Jill at the Wondoflex Wool Shop in Malvern - I take scones, and in return, Jill fixes up any knitting mistakes I've made, or helps me with tricky patterns.  It's a lovely way to spend a morning or afternoon - Tabitha potters around, looking at all the wool, while I sit in the comfy armchair drinking tea, eating scones, and knitting.

For lunch today, Tabitha and I had roast chicken and some roast vegetables (zucchini, green capsicum, carrot and potato).  She loved that roast chicken - I actually have never seen her eat so efficiently and effectively as today.  She picked up and nibbled all of her chicken, and a decent piece of each vegetable.  All in all, quite a bit of food, with significantly less 'mush and wastage' than in the past.  Watching her eating skills improve so rapidly just blows me away - I spent all of lunch just grinning and laughing at her, which she in turn found hilarious, of course.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

The Good:

Tabitha slept in until 8am this morning.  8am!!  Sure, I fed her at 1 and 5am, but it certainly was a lovely treat to just naturally wake up, of my own accord, and when the sun is already up.  I don't know why she slept in, and I'm sure it won't become a regular thing, but when you're a mother you learn to give thanks for small blessings!

Also, I have finally lost all of the baby weight.  Tabitha is nearly 9 months old (8.5), so I think that it's true what They Say:  "it takes 9 months to gain the weight, so don't expect to loose it in 3!"  You can't really try to loose weight quickly when you're breastfeeding - you could place your milk supply at risk - so you just need to plod along, eating sensibly, exercising.  Between breastfeeding, which uses around 300 - 500 calories a day, and baby-wearing (walking around all day with an 8kg weight strapped to me!), the weight naturally slipped away over the past 9 months, without having to worry too much about it.  I know it's such a petty and unimportant thing, really, but I am feeling much healthier, stronger and more 'me' now, so I'm happy about it.

Here is me when I was getting quite enormous.  Don't I look surly?!  The Daddy was dragging me on a walk up Hanging Rock, and I was Over It.  I put on around 20kg with the pregnancy, which doesn't seem too much, until you realise that the baby only weighed 3.5kg!  This photo was around 38 weeks, I think, when we went to Hepburn Springs for the weekend - we stayed at this lovely little Japanese Ryokan, and the kind woman there stacked two futons on top of each other, because she wasn't confident I could climb up and down onto one!

The Bad:

Our older cat has really ramped up his hunting.  It is most upsetting.  Mice actually scurry across our back fence line, and he just sits and picks them off.  I am thankful that he doesn't catch native wildlife, and I know that the rats and mice are introduced pests, but they really are sweet little creatures, and it makes me so sad when he catches them.  He has a bell and all that, but he is just an excellent hunter - sometimes bringing in multiple catches in one day.  Sometimes I can save them - if he brings one in alive, and I convince him to drop it straight away, I shoo it into the bathroom, leave it alone in a dark, quiet room for an hour to calm down and de-stress, then gently shoo it into a box, and go down the front of the block (well away from out back yard) to release it into the shrubbery, where there are plenty of places for a mouse to hide.  

Does anyone have any tips?  They aren't allowed to roam, we have cat-proof fencing, but I can't really stop him catching them from within our little garden.  Sometimes the brazen things even creep inside through the open back door to snatch cat food!  I've tried two bells.  I've heard of some sort of sonar product - does anyone know if they work?

The Ugly:

My skin is freaking out at the moment!  I feel like I'm a teenager again - the perky bust and ability to stay up all night, I would welcome...  But instead, I just have dreadful skin.  I can't understand it - I've been drinking 3 - 4 litres of water a day (hello breastfeeding), eating fairly well, exercising (well, as much as usual).  I am not happy about it.

Visits from friends!

Yesterday was busy.  In the morning, Tabitha and I went to have brunch with Tabby's Great Nanna (a sprightly woman who catches two buses from her home in Mount Martha for a visit, and regularly travels overseas on her own!).  We ate at Capitol Kitchen at Chadstone - they have a good kids' menu for babies, with toasted sandwich 'soldiers' of either cheese and vegimite or cheese and ham, then I just add a few bits from my own salad, and it's a nice little lunch for Tabitha.

In the afternoon, Tabby's godmother Sophie came for a visit.  Tabitha was thrilled, because Sophie is endlessly patient and a source of long cuddles.  Together they sat and untangled some of my wool collection, too - bonus!  Sophie competes in Roller Derby, and I took Tabitha along to a bout late last year - she had a great time (lots of people to watch), but it was quite noisy, so this year I will be purchasing a pair of baby earmuffs for her to wear when we go along to watch.

Also in the afternoon, my friends Ruby and Christina came over for a visit - Christina hadn't met Tabby yet, and Ruby has just gotten back from a work trip to New York, and came bearing gifts for Tabitha!

Ruby went shopping at Estella NYC, a designer baby shop frequented by celebrity mummas (I am told).  She had an appointment with a stylist at Estella, for work, and tried very hard to keep a straight face while the guy gushingly pointed out all the items worn by 'celebri-babies' such as Shiloh Jolie-Pitt tee hee...  Anyway, despite the high 'wanky factor', the store is full of cute baby clothes, and Ruby brought back a few bits and pieces for Tabitha.

These pants ('as worn by Shiloh') are super-comfy, and remind me of Happy Pants from the 80s:

This is a cute and comfortable onesie for warmer weather - it will actually fit her perfectly when we are in the US in May:

She also brought back a sweet little noise-maker which meows, and a solar-powered swarovski crystal!!!  Apparently the stylist would not let her leave without buying one, insisting that "all the top celebrity babies have one of these!"

I managed to scoot everyone out the door just in time to quickly feed and cuddle Tabitha, before rushing out to meet my best friend Amy - she took me out to dinner, as a 'baby-free treat', at one of my favourite restaurants, Yu-u.  Dinner was fantastic, around ten small courses of incredible Japanese food, and a little sake on the side.  This was only the second time I've been out to dinner without her (the other time was for our wedding anniversary in October last year) - and it was fun!

Baby Led Weaning - Ten Steps

Here are some of the 'key points' of Baby Led Weaning, adapted from the brilliant book Baby Led Weaning:

How do you get started?

• Sit the baby upright, facing the table, either on your lap or in a highchair.  Make sure the baby is steady, and can use her hands and arms freely (in accordance with the World Health Organisation's guidelines, weaning should not begin until the baby is around 6 months old - by this stage, most babies can sit upright very well with gentle support).

• Offer your baby food, rather than giving it to her - put food in front of her (on a tray or the table) or let her take it from your hand, so that the decision to take (or leave) food is always hers.

• Start with foods that are easy to pick up - thick 'sticks' or long strips are best at first (think green beans, thick batons of carrot, homemade potato wedges, toast soldiers, broccoli florettes, a strip of steak etc).  Introduce new shapes and textures somewhat gradually, so that the baby can work out how to handle them (for example, a soft piece of banana or feta cheese requires a very different grasp to a lamb cutlet or a piece of rice cake).

• Include your baby in your mealtimes whenever you can.  As far as possible - as long as it's suitable (and most things are) - you should offer your baby the same food as you are eating, so that she can copy you.  Foods can be slightly adapted for ease - for example, a soup or lentil dhal can be spread onto toast fingers.  Furthermore, someone should always sit and eat with the baby - food is a social occasion, and babies love to watch other people eat while they eat themselves.  Sometimes, this means I have two dinners (one with Tabitha, and one later with The Daddy if he has a long day), so I just eat two small portions.

• Choose times when your baby is not tired or hungry, so she can concentrate.  Mealtimes at this stage are for playing and learning - she will still be getting all of her nourishment from her breastmilk feeds.  I find that if I offer Tabitha a 'food meal' directly after a breastfeed, she will spend more time 'eating', and her concentration and interest is better.

• Continue offering breastmilk (or artificial baby milk) feeds exactly as before - this is still the main source of nutrition until the baby is roughly one year old.  When your baby begins requiring less milk, she will naturally take less herself.

• Offer your baby water with her meals so that she can practice drinking while she learns to eat.

• Don't hurry your baby or distract her while she is handling food - allow her to concentrate and take her time.  This is an important safety consideration, and will also help prevent her from becoming frustrated - learning to handle slippery, sticky and soft foods requires loads of concentration!

• Never put food into the baby's mouth - this is a major choking hazard - the baby needs to feel, observe and control her food herself, and an unexpected piece of food in her mouth is dangerous.

• Don't try to persuade baby to eat more than she wants.  Your job is just to offer her a range of interesting, nutritious foods - whether she eats them or not isn't important, as she is getting her nutrition from her milk.  The baby led weaning 'mantra' is 'Food is for fun until they're one'.  Sometimes Tabitha just wants to peer at her food, and perhaps squeeze it between her fingers.  That's fine.  She's still learning!

Yum Cha

This morning we went to yum cha with our friends Stephanie, Amy and Shalini.  Yum cha is excellent for babies Tabitha's age - there is plenty of colour, sound and movement, new smells and tastes, plus pretty much everything on offer is easy for a baby-led weaning baby to eat - steamed dumplings, barbecue pork buns, pan fried dumplings, scallion pancakes, prawn and sesame toast, little chicken pies, Chinese broccoli in oyster sauce.  I think that Tabitha tried almost all of these things!

Here is a photo of Tabitha examining a piece of pork bun - sorry, no good photos of Tabby eating yum cha, since I was too busy devouring it all myself!  Next time I will remember to pause and take some photos.

And a few other pictures from yum cha this morning:

This week, I presented my first 'New Mothers' talk at the local Maternal and Child Health Centre, to promote the Australian Breastfeeding Association.  I was nervous, but it went well, and I'm looking forward to presenting many more.

During the week, I also managed to successfully wrap Tabitha onto my back in our Vatanai wrap, in a 'rucksack' carry.  This is mighty tricky to learn without someone helping you, and I think I nearly have it down pat - we went for a couple of 45 minute walks, two days in a row, and Tabitha was comfortable and secure.  It's nice wearing her on my back, as it leaves my hands free (for preparing dinner, cleaning, grocery shopping etc.) and the Vatanai wrap is lightweight and cool in the warmer weather (and mighty pretty!)  Here is a dodgy iPhone photo - I'll pop up a better photo soon, with a step-by-step tutorial on how to do a rucksack wrap, once I am a little more proficient at this particular carry.

This week, Tabitha also tried Feta cheese (so messy), a homemade spinach quiche (I love making quiche because it is much easier than it seems!), some vegetable curry, baby corn (a new favourite vegetable) and she really enjoyed sharing an almond croissant with my dad, while they sat together and people watched outside a cafe yesterday, while I was in an appointment.

Tomorrow night, The Daddy is staying home with Tabitha, because my best friend Amy is taking me out to dinner at one of my favourite restaurants, Yu-u!  I am excited - the last time I ate at Yu-u was with The Daddy, when I was 40 weeks pregnant - in fact, it was the day before my due date.

Baby Clothes - the early days

I thought I'd outline my personal experiences with useful - and useless - baby paraphernalia.  Honestly, there is SO much that I couldn't hope to cover it all, certainly not in one post, so I will start with clothing in the first few months

WHAT CLOTHING?

In the early weeks, the baby mostly sleeps, feeds, needs changing and sometimes vomits (or frequently vomits, if you are extra-lucky!).  As such, clothing ought to be chosen to best facilitate these processes. 

For nights, open-bottom nightgowns are golden - changing is a breeze, and you don't have to worry about baby getting cold, because you can put socks on them and then they are generally all swaddled and wrapped up like a parcel of fish and chips!  Fiddling with press-studs on suits overnight is just a giant pain - baby wakes up as you fuss and fiddle, and at 4am it's easier to just pull up a nightgown.  Yes, you can put a boy in a nightgown!

For daytime, the ordinary 'onesies' or all-in-one suits are very practical.  You can add a singlet for added warmth if required (Tabitha was born in the middle of winter), and you don't need to fuss with socks because they generally have built-in feet.  The BEST brand I came across was Marquise.  Not too expensive, these onesies were just so, so soft.  The more we washed them, the nicer and softer they felt.  They come in simple, sweet prints (plain white, pastel polka dots etc) and feel lovely against soft baby skin.  We also had some suits from Purebaby, Bonds, Bebe by Minihaha, Petit Bateau, Gaia and others, and while I would actually recommend ALL these brands (they were all good for different reasons), the Marquise jumpsuits just can't be beaten in my opinion!

You can buy the Marquise suits at most department stores and baby boutiques.  For other cute suits (particularly as baby gets a little older and you want to dress her up), this is a great website - www.babi.com.au is a online retailer dedicated ONLY to all-in-one suits.  Those 'excess stock' stores like TSL are also good places to stock up on Bonds and Purebaby - I still buy all of Tabitha's pajamas there.

HOW MANY?

How many outfits do you need?  Well, this is one of the few areas I would recommend Quantity over Quality!  You don't need the most expensive, fancy items, but you do need enough of them.  I found that Tabitha needed her outfit changed at least FIVE times every day in the early weeks - vomit, milk, nappy business etc.  Because I was swamped enough with coping with a new baby, I didn't want the added pressure of frantically laundering her clothes.  So we had around 15 outfits in regular use.  It seems like a lot (I'm positive you could get by with less) but we loved having a big rotation.  Around 3 open-bottom nighties, 8 Marquise jumpsuits, and 5 other jumpsuits.  In addition, we had a few 'nice' outfits, which really only got worn a few times for photos.

SIZES

How about sizes?  Well, I wasn't expecting a tiny baby (I was absolutely massive, and we have a history of decent sized babies in the family) so, on the advice of my mother, I only had a handful of 0000 size outfits.  Maybe eight.  She told me that the baby would really be fine in 000 size from the start - they would just be a little big, and I could roll up the sleeves.  She was right.  I am still glad that we had some 0000 sizes though, because for photos, it was nice to have some things that fitted really well.

I should point out - I put all Tabitha's cotton suits in the dryer.  She was born in mid June, so it was just a reality that we used the dryer a whole lot.  This means that all of her suits shrunk to roughly half a size smaller - so the 000 were actually somewhere between 000 and 0000.

Tabby wore the 0000 for a couple of weeks, then the 000 for a couple of months.  She was in the 00 for a few more months, and now, at 8 months of age, is in 0 and even 1 clothing.  She is very long, so she wears size 12 - 18 month pants and leggings.

NICE CLOTHES

Once Tabitha was a little older (6 weeks and beyond, I'd say), she started to actually wear her 'nice' outfits.  We had some lovely things from Bebe, Purebaby, Petit Bateau and Absorba.  Sweet little jumpsuits with matching bibs and hats.  We had so many nice things (that I had bought, received as gifts, and also from my mother, who seemed to arrive with a beautiful new outfit every time she visited - i.e. daily!), so rather than let them go to waste before Tabby grew out of them, I put her in her 'good' clothes all the time.  I'm so glad I did - babies grow so quickly, and if I saved outfits for 'best', they would never have been worn!

ACCESSORIES

Hats, bibs, socks, mittens, shoes, booties, blankets, jackets, cardigans...  What is useful?

Debbie Bliss Cashmerino 8 ply and the same in a 5 ply 'baby weight' for a lighter weight beanie.

We used loads and loads of bibs.  Newborns seem to always have a little milk dripping around their faces, and changing a bib is simpler than a full outfit change.  Tabitha was a very dribbly baby right up until her first teeth came through, around 5.5 months.  So she pretty much always wore a bib for the first 6 months of her life.  You can find incredibly sweet bibs - I bought every nice one I came across, because I hated ugly bibs ruining her nice outfits!  I found a lot of nice ones by THIS label, and there are also lots of gorgeous ones in little baby boutiques and on Etsy.

Once the baby is older and feeding itself (which it will do from around 6 months if you do Baby-Led Weaning, which I cannot recommend enough), I suggest you use the technique of 'double bibbing' - cover the baby up in a long-sleeved bib (Silly Billyz are the only brand I've found that make these small enough for a 6 month baby - just roll the sleeves up a little), then pop a 'pelican bib' over the top to catch larger bits of food (these are the moulded plastic bibs that turn up at the bottom).

Socks are a must - the easiest way to keep little feet warm (I didn't bother with booties or tiny shoes - so fiddly, too easy to slip off, and they seemed far less comfortable on tiny new feet than simple socks).  You may have heard parents moaning about how hard it is to find socks that actually Stay On - it's true, 99 per cent of socks out there seem to slip straight off!  Luckily, the socks I stocked up on while pregnant turned out to be absolutely brilliant - they are soft, stretchy, and NEVER fall off!  The socks I used and recommend are from Bebe - here they are, though I bought them at David Jones.  I am actually really grumpy that they don't make them in a size larger than 6 months, since I haven't been able to find a single pair of socks that stay on, now that she's grown out of the Bebe ones.

We never bothered with scratch mittens.  I have seen babies wearing them, and even know a woman who wraps her baby's hands in tiny tube socks!  If you find your baby is gouging at their face, by all means try some, but we never found the need for them.

We had a couple of knitted jackets and coats - I picked out a few patterns that I liked from the knitting shop, along with some lovely wool (some of that Cashmerino DK), and my father's elder sister, a masterfully skillful knitter, whipped up some lovely little woolen jackets.  Truth be told, she didn't wear them all that much - new babies are generally so well wrapped up that they don't really need a jacket.  It's not really until they are a little more mobile that I think jackets and coats are useful - certainly from around four months or so, if the weather will be cool, a woolly jacket is worthwhile.  But I guess my point is, don't bother with buying or making them in tiny sizes.

Blankets - oh yes!  Blankets, bunny rugs, muslin wraps, waffle wraps...  These are all incredibly useful.  Here is what I would recommend - again, remembering that Tabitha was born in the colder months:

• A couple of 'waffle blankets'.  These are similar in weight to a traditional flannel bunny rug, but I think they are superior for wrapping, as they have a slight stretch to them, which allows them to wrap closely and firmly to the baby, and not come untucked too easily.  You want a decent size - a metre square or so is good.  Waffle blankets are also (thanks to their raised square pattern) warmer than most similar weight baby blankets, without being too bulky.  A good quality waffle blanket is more expensive than a bunny rug, but they wash and wear really well and are much more durable.  We had three in regular rotation - two white and one pale pink.

• A few traditional flannelette bunny rugs.  Actually, we had more than a few!  In my pregnancy madness, I obsessively bought these.  It seems like every time I saw them for sale, I bought another one.  I think we had around 15.  No, I'm not joking...  Honestly, though, they were (and still are) darn useful.  I didn't use them to wrap Tabitha up all that much (I preferred the slight stretch of the waffle blankets, and most bunny rugs are too small to use for swaddling past the very early weeks) - but I did find them SO useful for just having around - throwing over her as another layer when asleep, putting under her on the carpet for tummy time, laying under her in case of vomit while I was feeding etc.  In truth, you can use cloth square nappies for most of this stuff, but having super-large versions was useful.  That said, you might find 3 or 4 useful - you probably don't need 15!

• Speaking of cloth square nappies...  A stack of flanellette flat nappies is always handy, for mopping up spills, catching errant breastmilk or wee, laying down under baby on the change table etc.  You can also get a packet of muslin square nappies (I got a pack of pink and white ones from Mothercare that were cheap and great quality) - I find I used them more, as they are softer.  I still use them all the time (on the change mat, catching breaskmilk leaks in the middle of the night while feeding).  I suggest about 5 - 10 of each sort.

• In terms of actual 'blankets', I cannot tell you how brilliant I found a large, square, plain old knitted blanket!  I used a pattern from my local wool shop, and knitted a couple of them in different colours.  It is the simplest pattern - cast on three stitches in 8 ply wool on a pair of 4.5 circular needles (80cm circulars).  Knit 3, then continue in plain knit, increasing on the third stitch of every row.  When you've used 5 balls of wool, start decreasing on the third stitch of every row, until you have 3 stitches left on the needles.  Cast off, sew in your ends.  This blanket ends up being around 80cm square, and is beautifully stretchy because it is sort of knitted on the 'bias'.  Actually - stay tuned, I'll do a proper post about it soon, with some photos.  It is the most wonderful blanket to have for a baby - warm, soft, stretchy and simple.  Any time we left the house in the cold, Tabitha had one of these tucked around her, over the top of her swaddling.

MY LIST

So - if I had my time again, what would my shopping list look like for the first 4 or so months?

• Around eight size 0000 jumpsuits and nighties, including one or two 'nice' ones for photos in the early days;
• Around 15 size 000 jumpsuits, with a couple of nighties, and a few 'nice' outfits with matching bib/hat;
• 5 size 000 size singlets;
• 3 beanie hats - one stretchy cotton, one light wool, and one chunkier woolen one;
• 10 bibs - cute ones, since they are on all the time, in all the photos.  Also, plain white bibs stain much quicker;
• Around 6 pairs of socks;
• One or two knitted jackets / cardigans in 000;
• A dozen muslin and/or flannel flat nappies for spills etc.;
• A few flannel bunny rugs;
• Two or three waffle blankets;
• One or two lovely knitted blankets;
• A few lightweight muslin wraps (like a bunny rug but made of sheer muslin, these are useful for wrapping and swaddling a baby in warmer weather or if you are somewhere heated indoors.

I'm sure I don't need to point out that everything needs to be washed before use - many clothing items and blankets have a chemical layer from manufacturing and processing, and who know what floors and surfaces these precious little jumpsuits have touched on their way to the shop?!  I set aside a couple of days and washed, dried and ironed every single item, from socks to bedlinen to dresses and jumpsuits.  It was actually fun to do - yes, ironing dozens of tiny singlets does seem like fun when you're pregnant, nesting and possibly a little crazy...

So.  That's a fair bit of information!  Soon I will post on the assorted 'stuff' babies need / don't need in the early months - furniture, nappies, prams and carriers, car seats, toys etc.

Maternity Clothes

Becoming pregnant can be sartorially daunting - maternity clothes tend to be unflattering, overpriced, and made of nasty fabrics.  My entire maternity wardrobe consisted of:

• A very flattering white shirtdress that tied at the back (I still wear this, it is good for breastfeeding, and people are always surprised when I reveal it is 'maternity wear').
  
• An identical shirtdress in a navy pinstripe.
  
• A 100 per cent silk long-line top in a beautiful blue and white swirly print, which tied at the back to add some shape and definition (wore this with leggings, jeans, and a tight black pencil skirt).  Here is a photo in the top - although it is not the top at its best, worn with jeans, rubber thongs and messy hair at the beach:
  
  
  

• A really brilliant Isabella Oliver wrap top.  I bought this in black AND purple, and wore them both to death - with jeans, and the black one worn with a fitted black skirt and heels was an excellent substitute for a Little Black Dress.  I wore the black one with lots of colourful Hermes, Pucci and Missoni scarves, and always felt well put-together.  These tops were also brilliant in the first couple of months post-partum - they wrap to fit the body, so will fit perfectly no matter what state your midsection is in, and they are just so easy to breastfeed in.  Here I am in the black wrap top, with a non-maternity stretchy tight skirt, at my godfather's 50th birthday:

• Maternity jeans - I bought two pairs (one straight leg, one skinny), both by Maternal America.  These fitted so brilliantly, and were dead comfy.  So many people commented, "wow I can't believe you're still in jeans!!" not realising that they were maternity jeans.  Little comments like this are lovely to hear when you've gained 20kg!
  
• A loose, oversized t-shirt style jersey dress in blue and white stripes.  It wasn't the most flattering piece in the wardrobe, but was so comfortable and fitted well from week 8 to the very end.  I wore it with leggings.
  
• Speaking of which - I bought three pairs of good quality maternity leggings.  Great decision, I don't think you can truly understand how bloody uncomfortable most clothes are until you are actually pregnant!
  
• I bought a lovely blue slinky jersey dress from Isabella Oliver for my baby shower.  It made me feel pretty and toned and curvy and was worth every cent - I also wore it to a couple of weddings at the end of the pregnancy.  Here I am with a friend at my baby shower.  Sorry, you can only see the top of the dress, but trust me that it is lovely.  I am 38 weeks pregnant here:

• I also bought a fairly unattractive red print dress.  I don't know why - I was getting desperate for clothes I could wear to meetings (my clients were surely getting sick of seeing me in the same two shirtdresses!), and it seemed okay in the store.  In reality, it made me feel fat and my arms look like giant sausages.  I didn't wear it much!

I also picked up a couple of non-maternity pieces:  some denim shorts, a nautical jersey t-shirt, a pretty crepe kaftan, a Ted Baker empire-line dress that I managed to squeeze into for the first few months.  These items were useful, but I cannot overemphasise how important comfort becomes towards the end, and if nothing else, maternity clothing tends to be designed for comfort.

I didn't discover Isabella Oliver until more than half way through the pregnancy, which is a dreadful shame -  I probably would have bought almost all of my maternity wardrobe from them if I had come across it earlier.  If you know any pregnant women, please direct them to the their website!

Because I am tallish, clothes that fitted fairly close to the body were generally most flattering during pregnancy - anything vaguely voluminous made me look like a circus tent.  More petite girls seem to get away with loose shift dresses and trapeze dresses over leggings.

I also bought lots of nice maternity underwear - mostly from Cake and Hot Milk.  This is useful in avoiding feeling like a frumpy beached whale.

One of my most beloved maternity buys was, in fact, a non-maternity nightgown from Country Road.  Over summer, it was all I wore around the house, and felt perfectly comfortable no matter how enormous I became.  Here it is - I'm around 34 weeks here.  You can see our decking, half-built, in the background.  We had renovations (decking and wardrobes) going on almost until D Day.  I do not recommend this.  Doesn't it look like I have a full sized beach ball in there?!  Tabitha was a regular sized baby, around 3.5kg.  Which means I put on roughly 16.5kg of non-baby weight!

Sigh.  Looking through these photos, I am looking forward to being pregnant again.  Despite feeling mighty uncomfortable for most of the time, and dreadfully ill for the first few months, it was still, overall, a wonderful time.  I was in complete awe over just what the female body is capable of.

Pinky McKay

Do you know about Pinky McKay?  She is the author of some of my favourite parenting books - if you know someone who is expecting, or has a newborn, a Pinky book is such a beautiful, loving gift.  HERE is a list of Pinky's top tips for helping babies to sleep, well worth a gander.

Tabitha and I went along to the launch of Pinky's latest book, Parenting by Heart.  Pinky spoke for a bit about how important it is for mothers to always listen to their own instincts, and to their babies.  I read three of Pinky's books while I was pregnant, and I felt so prepared for the baby, knowing that as long as I always made decisions out of love, I would never make the 'wrong' parenting decision.

100 Ways to Calm the Crying is a brilliant book - particularly when pregnant, it is such a reassuring read.  It is highly empowering to feel that, no matter what, you will be able to soothe and calm your newborn.  Loads of the tips and techniques from this book are part of our everyday routine, and were particularly useful in the early weeks (newborns do tend to have spells in the evening of Just Crying, no matter what - my midwife constantly reassured me that this was perfectly normal, and at least by utalising some of Pinky's techniques, I felt vaguely useful!)

Sleeping Like a Baby is another winner.  This book helped us learn to 'read' Tabitha's cues, and learn to respond to her.   HERE is an excerpt from this book.

Parenting by Heart, the latest of her books, is a re-release of a previous version.  It has been updated and extended, and is now pretty much a 'how to' manual for the first year of a baby's life.  Parenting by Heart, along with a subscription to the Australian Breastfeeding Association, are my baby shower presents of choice!

I cannot recommend Pinky's books highly enough - everyone I know who has read any of her work raves about her.

Here is a photo of Tabitha and I with Pinky McKay.  'Scuse the cheesy smile: