Reflections on the First Year

Tomorrow, Tabitha turns one.  This time last year, I was in labour - at this time, I'd been in labour for nearly 40 hours...  7 hours later, my little girl finally made her entrance!  It was long and pretty intense, but still a brilliant experience - it is incredibly empowering to make it through 45 hours of labour.  Even at its worst, I recall giving 'pain scale' readings of around 8, maybe one 9.  Never 10.  It was never truly *unbearable* - and as soon as it was over (within minutes!) I was talking about doing it all over again.  I truly look forward to the next birth, although I would be lying if I didn't admit I'm hoping for a labour of less than 24 hours next time.

I know I've said it before - but one day, I will get around to writing a post about the birth.  I've written up my birth story already, for my midwives, but it is literally pages long, and probably too detailed for a blog!

Anyway, here are just a few of the things which have surprised me about this first year:

• I'm not as tired as I feared I would be.  This is strange, because I am actually getting less sleep than I thought I would be, by one year old.  I had hoped that Tabitha would be sleeping through the night by one, but she still wakes 3-hourly (sometimes more, sometimes a little less) overnight to feed.  The thing is, however, is that now I have just accepted this, and stopped fretting about it, I feel pretty good!  I try and go to bed early, I sleep in a little some mornings (The Daddy gets Tabitha up, changes her and gives her breakfast while I nap or just lie in bed, until around 8 or so).  I rest during the day.  The vague tiredness is always there, but it is not debilitating.

• My days are fairly mundane, yet I am finding incredible fulfillment in the gentle rhythm of our days, and in the small excitements I share with Tabby.  Most days are the same:  wake up, go for a walk outside (to get a coffee or a smoothie).  Come home, play on the floor.  She naps from around 10:30 - 12pm.  We then have some lunch, and go out, spending a few hours doing errands, visiting friends, going shopping.  Home by 3:30pm for her next nap, which normally goes until 4:30 or 5pm.  More playing, then dinner, quiet play, then bedtime at 7 or 7:30pm.  It's not terribly thrilling, but I find an almost Zen-like joy in the quiet, unhurried repetition of the same routine each day.

• The housework is not overwhelming.  The washing is not piling up.  I am managing to cook nutritious meals.  I only have one child - I cannot imagine the differnce having two or more makes - but I was terrified, when I was pregnant, that I would not be able to cope.  I thought that the days would be an endless battle against disorder and chaos!  It is just not like that.  During the morning nap, I do washing, ironing, tidy the house, put away dishes, get myself showered and dressed.  Then I have time to sit and read for a bit.  During the afternoon nap, I start on dinner prep, tidy the house again, maybe do some more washing.  Again, I generally have a little time to sit back.  Overall, with my one little girl, I have a lot more 'me time' than I had predicted.

• Tabitha is such a joy, with far more personality and humour than I knew was possible in such a young person.  I always wondered how parents managed to read the same books, play the same games, laugh at the same tricks over and over again.  I now know that it is because your own child is so endlessly fascinating, so incredibly hilarious, so heart-achingly beautiful that you can watch them sleep for hours and never get bored.

I don't know why, but before we had a baby, and while I was pregnant, I worked myself up into a bit of a state - I knew that I wanted to be a mother (more than anything) and that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, but I feared my life would become an endless stretch of exhaustion, washing, dishes, repetitive games and maybe even some boredom.  Nothing could be further from the reality!  Granted, my baby doesn't have any special needs, but things are much, much easier than I thought they would be.  

I was warned so often, when pregnant, by articles, books, experts - "life will not be a Huggies commercial!  You will not spend the days tickling your happy giggling baby, with neat piles of clean washing, painted nails and a delicious cake in the oven!".  Well, that doesn't describe every day.  But there are days like that - lots of them!  There are a few crappy days, when I spend all day gritting my teeth, when Tabitha and / or me are ill, or when the house is a mess and I'm too tired to care.  But overall, the fantastic days by far outweigh the challenging days.

The birth?  Even at 45 hours, not as dreadful as I feared it might be.  The early days?  Not as exhausting as I predicted (thanks in part to a freezerful of nutritious meals and some great support from The Daddy, my parents and close friends).  General day-to-day mothering?  Far more joyful, hilarious and soul-enriching than I could have hoped.  The only major thing which was (much) harder than I thought it would be was breastfeeding, in the initial weeks and months (see my breastfeeding story HERE for more information).

And you know what?  Even though there is a lot more washing, it is such cute washing that it hardly seems like hard work.  Check out yesterday's ironing - it's like playing doll dress-ups!